Edit, edit, edit, edit. I cannot even begin to tell you, dear reader how utterly important it is to edit your work. Especially if it is being shown to the public. I don’t care if you do it yourself, or have someone else do it for you.
Look over your work. I don’t just mean check for all the spelling and grammatical errors, be sure that your story, or article, or blog post makes sense. Most importantly, make sure you are using the right word. It’s the difference between dam and damn, or then and than. I have seen so many little mistakes like this, for instance,
“I would rather be pissed off, then pissed on.” I hope you don’t won’t to be both pissed off and on. Wouldn’t that just make you more pissed? Anyways, I also wanted to talk about one of the biggest literary mistakes of our time as an example. Fifty Shades of Grey. This book is written by E.L James. An erotica novel that lives up to nothing but the worst. It is not erotic in the least. The “dirty talk” seems like child’s play and the sex is more like rape. James, before she wrote her travesty of words, was a part of the Twilight fandom. She went under the pin name of…ummm….Snowqueens Icedragon……….Okay, so this lady is even more hilarious than I thought. So, she wrote erotic fanfictions that involved the Twilight characters. Her most notable is Master of The Universe which preludes Fifty Shades of Grey. The first is just as horrible as the second, full of useless information, confusing, non-consenting sexual relationships, misogyny, and just a bunch of awful writing. You know, some of this stuff might be impressive if James was a sixteen-year-old girl, but she’s fifty and married with kids….and most sixteen-year-old girls could do much better.
So, I am going to analyse the first chapter of this fanfiction for you. If you like James’s work and haven’t left already, then I suggest that you do so now. I am going to tear this shit apart.
So here we go. Chapter one. Oh dear…
So the whole first paragraph is about our main character Bella and her hair. I have had bad hair days, but Bella sounds like she has some kind of monster sitting on top of her head. It won’t behave, she has to “brush it into submission”, and “restrain it.” Heh, heh. Foreshadowing? It’s a really strange way of doing it if that was what she had intended. I mean, com’on hair tie porn? I don’t know, maybe the author has a thing for hair ties. Anyways, Bella also goes on to mentally curse her friend, Rose.
“Damn my hair, it just won’t behave, and damn Rose for being ill and subjecting me to this ordeal.”
Ouch. That’s a little harsh, don’t you think, Bella? She’s your friend and she’s sick. I don’t know what she is sick with yet, but I wouldn’t go around damning my friends for catching a bug. That was the whole first paragraph and we still know nothing about our main character other than the fact that she has weird hair problems, a sick friend, and a rather bitchy attitude. We don’t know what she looks like. Ironically, not even something as simple as her hair color. As the chapter goes on, we discover that Rose is Bella’s Room mate and that she is the Chief Editor of their school news paper. Rose is suppose to be interviewing the CEO of Cullen Enterprise Holdings. How original of you, James.
Bella now has to go in her place and she does not seem all that happy to be doing it. Oh, but alas, her friend is so cute and she begs Bella in her “rasping, really sore throat voice.” This seems to be a spot where James forgot to get rid of her notes. I remember there being a lot of spots in the book where she did the same thing. We then hear of Bella’s long, annoying thought process as she leaves and starts her long drive to Seattle.
Alright guys, that’s not the full chapter. Sorry. This is already late due to massive amounts of homework I have. I will continue it next week.
I hope you have enjoyed it!
I think I read some of the things too fast. Sorry if I did. I will try to fix that in later blog posts