Hello again dear readers! So sorry that I am late, again. I think you are all going to have to start expecting this from me. College makes blogging very hard to do.
I am going to jump right into it and pick back up from where I left off last week. Bella was off for the long haul to Seattle. During her drive there, she describes to us what a dear friend Rose is, after she’s just damned her fifty times. Yes, Bella. That makes so much since. Justify your shitty attitude with hollow words. We also learn a lot more than we need to about cars in this chapter.
“Fortunatly, she’s lent me her car. I’m not sure my old truck would be up for the journey. Well, it’s the least she can do-I frown into the review mirror-but I have to say her sporty BMW Z4 is so much more fun to drive than my truck and the miles slip away as I put my foot down.”
So, I realize that there are a few things wrong with this, besides the car information. Let’s start with what’s first.
“Well, it’s the least she can do..” I don’t know if James knows this, but usually the person giving you, or presenting you with something is suppose to be the one saying that. Having Bella say it just makes it sound like she’s being a bitch. Like her friend could have at least thought more about her while she has the fucking flu. Yes, good job James. You’re a real writer now. The next thing is the car.
“Harry, the car!”
She describes it too much. She’s not writing this book for mechanics, or car lovers; she’s writing this for adults. Who like really bad erotica. This is where so many people mess up in writing. They want to try and impress their audience with all the lingo they know. All this does is confuse your readers. Never write to impress. It’s better to use smaller words and have people understand you, than to use big one’s that only appeal only to certain minorities. Unless you are writing for them.
So, I am really going to have to hold off on editing this thing. It is taking up way too much time. I have talked a little more about it in my video. I hope you enjoy it. Next week, there will be something different to talk about.
See you sometime next week!