Hello, My Name is Finn

Hello, my readers.

Tonight, I have for you a very personal letter.  This letter is a confession.  About which, you will discover below.

 

As the days and months have gone on, Jessie, has starte to feel like someone else to me. A person I am no more.  The name Jessie is still too associated with the words “she” and “her.”  Even the pronouns they/them don’t seem to sit right with me anymore.  So, I have decided to do and confess something.

Hello.

My name is Finn.

And I am a boy.

There, I said it.

I am a boy.

Coming out as a transgender boy has been more terrifying  than I ever imagined it being and I’m still not out to half of my friends and family yet!   I felt like, when I was still identifying as non-binary, I was always questioning.  Always.  The thing about coming out under that is  that it was assumed that I was still identifying as half the gender of my birth.  Which might have been the case were I actually comfortable with that label.  No, I’m not “half-girl, half-guy” at all. There is no such thing as “girl” in me.   I still like somethings that are considered to be more feminine, but I am not a woman at all.  There is of course nothing wrong with being a woman, or identifying under the term of non-binary, it just didn’t suit me.

Yes, I love makeup, fashion, and all kinds of art, but I am a fucking guy.  A man.  For as long as I can remember, I’ve never felt quite comfortable with my body.  When I was a kid, I passed it off as some huge spiritual thing wrong with the whole world.  As a teenager, I dismissed it as not being fit enough( I could stand to be in better shape most days) or still needing to grow into my body.

I didn’t even have the right kind of body to grow into!  I also had that name that never suited me, Jessie.  Short for Jessica, which I never used unless it was for official documentation. So, my name was already half dead to me.

The name Finn is one that I have always loved.  It is the name of one of my closest friends. A name I eventually ended up using for the character I created in the Virginia Renaissance Faire this summer.  It just felt so right when people called me by it and used he/him pronouns.  So, here we are.

Below I have also written a short poem for you to read.

Thank you for listening.

 

-Finn Honrine

 

 

 

Kiss Me

 

So are you going to kiss me, or are you going to kiss a trans guy?

Are you kissing me because you want me, or the social acceptance of kissing me?

I am not a thing to be tried out.

I am not some exotic dish to just have a taste of.

I will not be treated like a coat you only try on once and then cast aside forever.

If you are going to kiss me, I want you to kiss me.  

I want you to feel my lips.

Not just a trans guy’s lips, but my lips.

I am so much more than the label I have chosen.

I have twenty-one years worth of battle scares, war stories, love stories, happy times, sad times, in between times, real times, and feelings all bundled up inside me.

I just hope you can take it

I just want you to kiss me. 

 

-Finn Honrine

 

 

 

 

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