Hello, my readers.
Tonight, I have for you a very personal letter. This letter is a confession. About which, you will discover below.
As the days and months have gone on, Jessie, has starte to feel like someone else to me. A person I am no more. The name Jessie is still too associated with the words “she” and “her.” Even the pronouns they/them don’t seem to sit right with me anymore. So, I have decided to do and confess something.
My name is Finn.
And I am a boy.
There, I said it.
I am a boy.
Coming out as a transgender boy has been more terrifying than I ever imagined it being and I’m still not out to half of my friends and family yet! I felt like, when I was still identifying as non-binary, I was always questioning. Always. The thing about coming out under that is that it was assumed that I was still identifying as half the gender of my birth. Which might have been the case were I actually comfortable with that label. No, I’m not “half-girl, half-guy” at all. There is no such thing as “girl” in me. I still like somethings that are considered to be more feminine, but I am not a woman at all. There is of course nothing wrong with being a woman, or identifying under the term of non-binary, it just didn’t suit me.
Yes, I love makeup, fashion, and all kinds of art, but I am a fucking guy. A man. For as long as I can remember, I’ve never felt quite comfortable with my body. When I was a kid, I passed it off as some huge spiritual thing wrong with the whole world. As a teenager, I dismissed it as not being fit enough( I could stand to be in better shape most days) or still needing to grow into my body.
I didn’t even have the right kind of body to grow into! I also had that name that never suited me, Jessie. Short for Jessica, which I never used unless it was for official documentation. So, my name was already half dead to me.
The name Finn is one that I have always loved. It is the name of one of my closest friends. A name I eventually ended up using for the character I created in the Virginia Renaissance Faire this summer. It just felt so right when people called me by it and used he/him pronouns. So, here we are.
Below I have also written a short poem for you to read.
Thank you for listening.
So are you going to kiss me, or are you going to kiss a trans guy?
Are you kissing me because you want me, or the social acceptance of kissing me?
I am not a thing to be tried out.
I am not some exotic dish to just have a taste of.
I will not be treated like a coat you only try on once and then cast aside forever.
If you are going to kiss me, I want you to kiss me.
I want you to feel my lips.
Not just a trans guy’s lips, but my lips.
I am so much more than the label I have chosen.
I have twenty-one years worth of battle scares, war stories, love stories, happy times, sad times, in between times, real times, and feelings all bundled up inside me.
I just hope you can take it
I just want you to kiss me.